once upon a time....

There was a girl she fought for what she knew was true! she one day meet a man who she could see her self be with forever. even though she was with this man off and on for about 4 years and have been threw hell and back because of each other she fought! in her head was this image of one day dressed all in white hand in hand with him even though this thought and reality was so far away  and nearly looked impossible at times she held on to a strand of hope....that strand broke one day when she had enough and  was leaving. this man knelt down on both knees asking her to stay and be with him forever! It took a day or two  for this girl to stand face to face to him and ask him to ask the question again where as she then replied yes!

Married for 11 months and excited as can be going threw life day by day with our normal routine. holing each other in bed and talking about what life would be like. asking questions to why no one liked doing the same things we did. so glad to be with her best friend and knowing whatever he wanted to do she did and what ever she wanted to do he did! a glorious day of camping then turned into a tragedy! her best friend was gone!

setting off on a journey by herself trying to make sense of it all? friends and family along the way trying to help her to get back on her feet. months are passed and just about everyone is gone. she feels the urge to fight and keep moving on! yet everyday is hard and people she wishes she could talk to have also left!  as she sits here writing this story deep in thought she replays from the day of the tragedy to present day reflecting to the things that have made her happy since everything has happened from meeting new people, dancing, swimming, hiking, loving.  yet she sits here asking herself not mad at her love nore God but asking how can things be happy again when I fight so hard for it to come??? the happy times come and go and they never end up staying. Its hard to get her opinions across when no one understands  her odd point of view. both her and her love thought out of the box and came up with fun crazy things to do and make fun of.

there is nothing really to do to change anything she has realized. The only thing that can make her happy and keep her close to her love even though hes gone is music! Time to pick up the guitar once again and finish writing the million songs she has writen. time to finish what we stared with the "13 love songs"   I love you Joel thank you for changing my life and for always being there for me to help me keep moving forward. even thought your not physicaly here i know your still here with me everyday making sure im ok and trying to reach my full potintiol.  Forever & Always. thank you for helping me not to get lost and for constantly saying in my head "BABE CALM DOWN WHATS THE PLAN?"  I hated when you said that to me but so glad it keeps playing in my head!

Now I must sit here and ask that question..."whats the plan?"  a tough question but the plan is to be with the people who truely care for me, to love my pups they are my kids, to go on adventures and be spontanious, to do the things I really want to do, take chances, maybe one day fall in love? but i guess for now and most importantly love myself and never ever forget and always keep our love alive!!!!
lifes to short to not take chances who wants to live in a world where there is only what if's?

Its been a while since I have writen.... I dont even know where to start or even know what to say or even beggin to share whats on my mind......

I guess I'll start with I ran my first 5k on the 4th of July! it was so much fun and am planning on running 2 more the upcoming month with one of my best friends Brittany! I need to start working out again back to my 5 days a week haha

My friends then took me out for my birthday it was quite fun!