Eternity

Eternity seems like such a nice word. You marry the love of your life for time and all ETERNITY that seems so far away. You all know I lost the love of my life Joel a little more than a week ago. Its odd to say but if feels like eternity is coming. At times it seems so close and others it seems like a million light years away. Things have started to calm down and I'm trying to get back to my every day routine yet its so hard to do things with out Joel. You can say it was probably love at first sight and we have been best friends for 4 years its hard from seeing someone everyday to not seeing or being able to pick up the phone just to say hi!

 iv had so many questions running threw my head to what has gone on. being the only one who witnessed what i did i cant help but wonder why didn't i go as well? i know the road ahead is going to be tough one but I'm glad i have the knowledge ill be with my love again. i wish i was with him now but unfortunately i must wait, for how long i don't know i wish i did. I'm writing this as i look at out wedding pictures and sitting next to his resting spot. i feel peace here. i play out my day how it would go if he was still here and normal. i still here his voice joking around with me his arms wrapped around me and on occasion his lips on my lips.

 i am a very affectionate person and knowing i have to wait to touch him again is torture i just want to hold his hand and look into his beautiful blue eyes and tell him he is perfect for me  in every way. I miss my love deeply and none could ever compare to him he's my world.
I'm very thankful for the love of family and friends it has helped to know that people do care!
I'm so glad that I have my pups still they have been such a comfort and so loving its like a piece of Joel's silliness is still here and gives me a little relief.

Thank You! Joel for being such an amazing best friend, and Husband! You are my universe and even tho we are not physically with each other anymore I still feel you around in my head, spirit, and heart. your forever my yellow bird, my eternal companion, my everything. I don't know when my love but ill see you again hopefully soon.

I LOVE YOU JOEL! <3