1 year since my love is gone......

Today is a year since Ive seen my sweet husbands face.Surprisingly I woke up in the hour when the events of last year occurred. This year has been off and on of emotions but felt like Ive grown stronger everyday..... well this week has been a mess of emotions memories coming back, conversations we had, every last detail is in my head as clear as day its like dejavu.

This year has gone by so fast its been a blur. There are so many things Ive been slacking off on and can only hear Joel's voice saying "Babe!!!!" like he would every time getting after me ha ha! I want to start getting back on track and doing the things that made us both happy. Its been a long trek this year trying to figure out how to live life with out my best friend and one I love most the last 5 years. I don't remember what life was like before him. So its been quite a challenge to try and remain myself yet grow without him and figure out what I want in life again and to be able to hope and dream again.

 

Joel I miss you so much not a day goes by that your not in my head and heart. I miss coming home and making dinner for us and being able to relax and cuddle while talking about our day. I miss laughing at people and funny little things that no one else understand. "your the yellow bird Ive been waiting for, now I'm drunk as hell on a piano bench. the sound of loneliness's makes me happier" this is a line from one of our favorite songs by bright eyes. How we would just discus lyrics and what they meant to us and how we relate to them. Your are my soul mate. you constantly amaze me and every time you picked up the guitar it was like you where plucking the strings of my heart and would constantly make me cry with your beautiful music, oh the fun we would have playing and singing and perfecting out songs together. The crazy random adventures that no one would be up to I miss you with all my heart. Words cant express how my heart feels.

 

 

 



I'm very grateful for our pups they seriously are like our kids!  Its funny how well they know me and know what I need. As i was crying today both my pups came and crawled into bed with me and just put there head on me to comfort me. Without them I think I would go crazy. I love my little family. I'm so glad Joel left them for me to comfort me and in a small way let me know that hes still here to love me threw them and our funny little ways we would all play together. Thank you to all the friends and family who have been there to comfort me and have late night talks with and to have a shoulder to cry on! Also just want to say sorry if iv avoided anyone i seriously hate crying in front of anyone  but thanks for your love and prayers. I know Joel would be very grateful for all your support to me and our family's to help overcome the pain.

I love you forever and always babe! I cant wait tell I'm able to see your face again and be able to hold you so tight and kiss you. I will never want to let you go. Life is tough but I know your still near me to push me to do every little thing.

 I LOVE  YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

FOREVER & ALWAYS

MY LOVE, MY BEST FRIEND, MY PARTNER IN CRIME, MY UNIVERSE, MY SOUL MATE

MY ETERNAL COMPANION

MY HUSBAND

JOEL